


Cool. Muting this.

by ToxicPineapple



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Gen, Humour, I haven't decided ANYTHING for this, I knowww, Iruma Miu's Dirty Mouth, Lighthearted, Maybe a pinch of plot idk, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Texting, chat fic, texting fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23760799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicPineapple/pseuds/ToxicPineapple
Summary: Kokichi: yea well you dont look like a glorified toaster oven but here we are. looks can be deceiving kiiboyKiibo: Why can’t you censor your robophobia? Don’t you think before you text?Kokichi: oh believe me i do ;)Ryoma: maybe harukawa had the right idea when she muted this gcKaede: :((---Two weeks into their new life at Hope's Peak Academy, Kaede decides to make a group chat for class 79.
Relationships: Chabashira Tenko/Yonaga Angie, Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 333
Kudos: 237





	1. Sunday, April 22nd, Whole Class Group Chat

**Author's Note:**

> written in honour of weed day, 4/20/2020.

_This is the beginning of a conversation between you and Shuichi Saihara, Maki Harukawa, Kirumi Toujo, and twelve other people._

_12:37 PM_

**Kaede:** Hi guys!

**Maki:** what is this.

**Kokichi:** OWO

**Maki:** akamatsu what have you done.

**Kaede:** I thought it would be fun to create a groupchat with everybody!

**Kaede:** We can talk about homework and stuff :3

**Maki:** cool. muting this.

**Kaede:** :(

**Korekiyo:** Oh? I had assumed that the general consensus was that I wasn’t allowed to have the phone numbers of everyone in the class.

**Kaede:** I think that was an agreement reached when I wasn’t in the room

**Kaito:** OH GOOD IDEA AKAMATSU!!! >:D Now I finally have Hoshi’s number

**Ryoma:** god damnit

**Kaito:** WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

**Himiko:** i dont know like half of the numbers in here

**Korekiyo:** Yes, it might be a good idea if we all said who we were.

**Kaede:** Oh! Haha, I never thought about that. Sorry

**Himiko:** its fine. im yumeno

**Kaito:** KAITO MOMOTA AT YOUR SERVICE!

**Ryoma:** how is it that you’re this loud over text too

**Kaito:** So that’s either Hoshi or Harumaki

**Maki:** no, idiot, i’m right here. that’s hoshi.

**Kaito:** Oh! Hi Harumaki :D

**Maki:** stop calling me that

**Korekiyo:** Kukuku, young love.

**Korekiyo:** This is Shinguji, of course.

**Miu:** did that fucking virgin just type out his own laugh kdjfk no wonder you don’t get any pussy

**Kokichi:** so that’s iruma~chan heehee

**Korekiyo:** Bold of you to assume that I don’t “get pussy”, as you put it.

**Shuichi:** i was having a really good day, shinguji-kun

**Kaede:** Um, I’m Akamatsu, but everyone probably knows that already, huh?

**Shuichi:** i think it’s a good practice to introduce yourself regardless

**Shuichi:** i’m saihara

**Kirumi:** I apologise, I will have to lurk for a while as I am busy with the laundry at the moment. I will read through chat logs when I return to see what I have missed.

**Kaede:** That’s Toujo-san! You’re so cool, Toujo-san!!!

**Kirumi:** That is very kind of you, Akamatsu-san.

**Miu:** lmao gay

**Kaito:** There’s nothing gay about two girls being pals!

**Tenko:** THERE’S EVERYTHING GAY ABOUT IT BUT TENKO AGREES TOUJO-SAN IS VERY COOL ALSO this is chabashira

**Himiko:** the all caps gave me a headache its very obnoxious chabashira

**Tenko:** oh! tenko is sorry!!

**Kokichi:** nishishi stop simping chabashira~chan

**Tenko:** typing out your own laugh is cringe, menace

**Kokichi:** ouch :’(

**Gonta:** Okay! Gonta has gotten caught up!

**Kokichi:** awww you actually read the chat logs i cant believe gonta~chan is baby

**Miu:** been knew

**Kaede:** Hmm. Who hasn’t said anything yet?

**Shuichi:** uhm, amami-kun, but he’s a notorious lurker. angie-san hasn’t spoken yet

**Shuichi:** too bad this isn’t discord or else i’d ping her :(

**Kaede:** What’s Discord?

**Shuichi:** okay yeah fair enough

**Himiko:** how do you type so fast saihara seeing your messages pop in one after the other gives me psychic damage

**Shuichi:** ah i have practice

**Miu:** FROM SEXTING ?

**Shuichi:** ABSOLUTELY NOT DKLSJFKDSJF

**Miu:** CUZ THATS THE ONLY WAY ANYONE WILL FUCK YOU HAHAHAHA

**Kokichi:** gotem

**Kiibo:** Hello friends, this is Kiibo! Akamatsu-san informed me that she would be making this group chat and I am very excited to talk to all of you!

**Kokichi:** oooh it’s kiiboy!!!

**Kiibo:** With one, notable exception, of course.

**Kokichi:** MEAN

**Tsumugi:** the amount of normies in this gc is giving me hives

**Tsumugi:** this is shirogane

**Gonta:** Gonta is not quite sure what a normie is but he is very sorry if he is being one! Does Shirogane-san need help getting to the nurse’s office?

**Tsumugi:** oh no gonta-kun its fine! im just messing around akldsjksdlf and anyway YOURE not a normie its just the rest of these guys

**Gonta:** Oh. So Shirogane-san doesn’t actually have hives?

**Tsumugi:** not even a singular hive

**Korekiyo:** Akamatsu-san, I must thank you for this opportunity. I have not yet gotten the chance to observe the way everyone in our class texts and this is most enlightening.

**Himiko:** uh oh

**Kaede:** Uh, no problem, Shinguji-kun! ^^;

**Kiibo:** What is the semi colon supposed to represent in that emoticon, Akamatsu-san?

**Kaede:** (Kiibo why are you doing this to me)

**Shuichi:** its a sweat drop

**Kiibo:** It doesn’t look very much like a sweat drop?

**Kokichi:** yea well you dont look like a glorified toaster oven but here we are. looks can be deceiving kiiboy

**Kiibo:** Why can’t you censor your robophobia? Don’t you think before you text?

**Kokichi:** oh believe me i do ;)

**Ryoma:** maybe harukawa had the right idea when she muted this gc

**Kaede:** :((

**Angie:** nyahaha! hello friends ! God told me that there was a new means of communicating with her beloved classmates !

**Tenko:** oh god told her huh? she didnt hear her phone vibrating?

**Angie:** angie silences her phone when God is speaking through her . to be free of distractions, y’know ? it is a philosophy that many people could stand to learn from ! :33

**Kaede:** Hi Angie-san!

**Angie:** hello kaede !

**Himiko:** i think beloved classmates is kinda an overstatement since weve only been in school for like two weeks

**Ryoma:** and already i want to go back to prison

**Kaito:** HOSHI! >:(( Running away from the things that bother you is unmanly!  
  


**Ryoma:** i was definitely joking but whoever said i was any kind of an example of manliness

**Kaito:** :(

**Shuichi:** i think that’s almost everybody, isn’t it?

**Kaede:** Except for Amami-kun, yes

**Kaede:** But you said that he’s a lurker, right?

**Shuichi:** i did

**Rantaro:** only in group chats. I’m actually very good at answering text messages one on one

**Kaede:** Oh!! Amami-kun!!! :DD

**Rantaro:** hey

**Tsumugi:** ew

**Himiko:** the gangs all here…

**Angie:** how exciting ! what a marvelous bonding experience this will be !

**Ryoma:** yeah defs muting it

**Kaito:** You can’t run forever Hoshi

**Ryoma:** bet

**Gonta:** Gonta is very happy to be able to talk to everybody! :D

**Miu:** we live in the same building, log dick

**Kokichi:** but now i can spam everybody my surreal memes at four in the morning >:)

**Kaede:** Please don’t


	2. Wednesday, April 25th, Whole Class Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miu: didnt know she had a thing for twinks lmao
> 
> Tenko: she does not!!! yumeno-san has GOOD taste
> 
> Miu: that means you i guess, miss andry?
> 
> Tenko: its rlly not like that

_ 6:53 PM _

**Kokichi:** hey does anyone have the answers to the homework

**Miu:** i already offered!! what the fuck!!!

**Kokichi:** but its MATH you dumb slut you never show your work and sensei will KNOW

**Miu:** WHAT AM I TO YOU

**Kokichi:** a foot stool.

**Miu:** LKFJDSLKFJSDKF

**Himiko:** if u two are gonna flirt take it to dms pls

**Kokichi:** has it ever occurred to you, yumeno~chan, that some people might have taste in women

**Miu:** LKFDJFKJDSKFJKDJFLKFJDSKF STOP IIT

**Tenko:** ALL WOMEN ARE GORGEOUS!!!!

**Kokichi:** ok simp

**Tenko:** ok twink

**Kokichi:** WOW CHABASHIRA~CHAN YOURE SO MEAN KJDSKLFJSDf

**Tenko:** TENKO SAID WHAT SHE SAID

**Himiko:** all the caps lock… e.e

**Tenko:** oh!!! sorry!!!!!

**Kokichi:** anyways i’m also gay so jot that down

**Kokichi:** but srsly i need the hw

**Tenko:** tenko doesn’t let menaces copy off of her!

**Miu:** ohhh but if small tits girl asked you’d totally say yes right?

**Tenko:** if yumeno-san asked she’d probably have a really good reason for needing the homework so yes!!!

**Miu:** damn tentacle porn is right you ARE a simp

**Kokichi:** WH

**Kokichi:** TENTACLE P

**Kokichi:** AARE YOU INSu

**Kokichi:** ARE YOU INSULTING MY HAIR

**Miu:** YEAH WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT   
  


**Kokichi:** arson

**Gonta:** Um, Gonta has the homework finished. Did Ouma-kun want to compare answers?

**Kokichi:** uh-huh! yup yup! that’s it!   
  


**Tsumugi:** he’s lying to you gonta-kun he wants to copy

**Gonta:** Copying answers is wrong, Ouma-kun!   
  


**Kokichi:** snitch

**Tsumugi:** i have morals ouma-kun

**Kokichi:** you pirate anime

**Tsumugi:** my bad i should specify

**Tsumugi:** morals that pertain to things that actually MATTER

**Kokichi:** touché 

**Kaito:** Wow you guys are blowing up the chat

**Himiko:** i knowww theyre annoying :c

**Tenko:** STOP ANNOYING YUMENO-SAN

**Himiko:** thx

**Kokichi:** hey momota~chan do you have the answers to the homework

**Kaito:** Pfft like I’d let YOU of all people copy my answers, Ouma

**Kokichi:** oh so you’re homophobic

**Kaito:** What? No, I’m not!   
  


**Tsumugi:** sounds like smth a homophobe would say

**Kaito:** I’m not homophobic! Sure, I’m straight, but I love gay people!

**Kokichi:** really? you wuv me momota~chan?

**Kaito:** Uh, most gay people

**Kokichi:** WOW   
  


**Himiko:** you walked right into it

**Gonta:** Ouma-kun, do you need help with the homework? Gonta is happy to help!

**Kokichi:** but if you help me then that means i’ll still have to do it and thats what i’m trying to avoid do you see my problem here

**Tenko:** sounds like the excuse of a lazy degenerate

**Kokichi:** well yea

**Kokichi:** listen i’m a supreme leader of evil. i have ten thousand underlings. why do i need to do some smelly math assignment?

**Tsumugi:** maybe u should ask one of your ten thousand underlings to do the assignment for you lol

**Kokichi:** they’re busy taking over the russian government

**Kaede:** Hi guys!

**Kaito:** Yo Akamatsu

**Kaito:** Ouma’s tryna copy homework

**Kokichi:** oh so ur a SNITCH snitch ok

**Tsumugi:** kin lmao

**Kaede:** You shouldn’t copy assignments, Ouma-kun. You should do the work yourself! It’s how you learn!   
  


**Kokichi:** ew

**Miu:** i cant decide if ur a top or if ur just like that

**Kaede:** Huh? What does that mean?

**Kokichi:** god iruma~chan horny on main i bet you wish it was the first one

**Miu:** slkdfjkjldflkfklsdjfkjdf shut

**Kaede:** Okay… moving on. How is everyone else doing?

**Tsumugi:** i’m okay. plain day for a plain gal

**Tsumugi:** hbu

**Kaede:** I’m good!! I learned a new song on the piano today :D

**Gonta:** Oh! That’s very nice :DDD

**Kaito:** I haven’t gotten to hear you play anything yet Akamatsu, when do you do it?

**Kaede:** Haha I’d invite you to watch me play sometime but it’s honestly a little embarrassing! I like, totally zone out, y’know? I hear it’s kind of awkward to other people which is totally understandable ^^;

**Shuichi:** its not awkward your sister is just mean

**Kaede:** Oh! Saihara-kun!   
  


**Shuichi:** hello!

**Kokichi:** finally a weak willed smart person

**Shuichi:** that makes me nervous ouma-kun

**Kokichi:** you should let me copy off your homework

**Shuichi:** um … no?

**Kokichi:** WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MEAN ??

**Miu:** twink oppression

**Gonta:** Gonta is very sorry but he doesn’t think Ouma-kun should be copying homework!

**Himiko:** will you please stop crying

**Kokichi:** no

**Himiko:** please i am jus

**Kokichi:** nope

**Himiko:** i am TRYINg

**Kokichi:** not happening

**Himiko:** FINE ill show you my homework youre such a pain in the butt

**Himiko:** im coming to your room youd better not be crying when i get there

**Kaede:** Yumeno-san, no!!!

**Tsumugi:** welp

**Miu:** didnt know she had a thing for twinks lmao

**Tenko:** she does not!!! yumeno-san has GOOD taste

**Miu:** that means you i guess, miss andry?

**Tenko:** its rlly not like that

**Kaito:** We lost a good comrade today :(

**Tsumugi:** rip to yumeno-san. can i get an f in the chat

**Shuichi:** f

**Miu:** f

**Rantaro:** f

**Tsumugi:** LURKER

**Rantaro:** why are you attacking me I just got here

**Tsumugi:** i don’t believe that for a SECOND

**Tsumugi:** smh!! normies!!! the audacity to behave this way when yumeno-san just left our ranks

**Himiko:** wtf im right here

**Tsumugi:** we’ll miss her

**Himiko:** stop

**Rantaro:** oh this is like that one meme

**Tsumugi:** im in physical pain right now and its all amami-kun’s fault i am leaving the country you will never see me again

**Tsumugi:** i guess it doesn’t make a difference since im so plain u-u

**Kaito:** I have a headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we back in the mine


	3. Monday, April 30th, Whole Class Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gonta: That… doesn’t feel like the best mindset to view sleep with
> 
> Miu: jksjdfk whatever listen i had shit to do
> 
> Miu: im working on a new invention. this ones gonna knock ur socks off, tree dick
> 
> Gonta: Gonta doesn’t wear socks.

_ 6:13 AM _

**Kaito:** Great weather today for a run!

**Kirumi:** It is rather pleasant outside. Spring is my favourite season.

**Kaito:** Oh! Good morning, Toujo!

**Kirumi:** Good morning, Momota-kun. Are you on your run right now?

**Kaito:** Bouta be, soon as I find my pants lol

**Kaito:** I’m PUMPED what a great day to run

**Kirumi:** I will have your coffee waiting for you when you are finished.

**Kaito:** You’re legitimately the best thanks Toujo

**Tenko:** wow toujo-san you’re up really early!!!

**Kirumi:** Yes, I get up at five every morning to complete tasks and prepare breakfast for everybody. Though right now I am killing time waiting for the water to boil. For Momota-kun’s coffee.

**Tenko:** do you brew him specific coffee every morning?

**Kirumi:** It’s the same coffee I make for everybody else. But as Momota-kun gets up earlier than a lot of us I do try to have a mug waiting for him when he finishes his run.

**Tenko:** that degenerate better be thankful for all you do!!

**Tenko:** you’re so impressive toujo-san ;D; tenko wishes she could help you out you do so much!

**Kirumi:** I don’t mind. It’s my responsibility as a maid, after all. But thank you, Chabashira-san. :)

**Kaede:** Hi! Good morning!

**Tenko:** gm akamatsu-san! (＾▽＾)

**Kirumi:** Good morning.

**Kaede:** Just the early morning crew, huh? I guess since we only have a half-day today people aren’t so fussed about getting up

**Kaede:** What’s for breakfast today, Toujo-san?

**Kirumi:** Nothing out of the ordinary. I’m preparing a wide variety of options. I know you favour fish, though, Akamatsu-san, so I will be grilling some up.

**Kaede:** Aww! You’re so conscientious!   
  


**Tenko:** i knooww those degenerates dont appreciate it enough either >:(

**Kaede:** Well, not all of them! Saihara-kun and Gonta-kun are super polite!

**Tenko:** tenko isnt sure if she even counts gonta-kun as a male at this point

**Kaede:** I’m going to call that a compliment!

**Tenko:** it is!!!

**Gonta:** Oh! Thank you, Chabashira-san! :D

**Tenko:** jksdjfk

**Kaede:** Gonta-kun! How did you sleep?

**Gonta:** Very well! :DD How about Akamatsu-san?

**Kaede:** Haha… I slept a little

**Tenko:** akamatsu-san!

**Kaede:** What!! I was playing piano!!!

**Miu:** WHATS UP VIRGINS

**Miu:** also disappointed but not surprised

**Kirumi:** You’re up quite early, Iruma-san.

**Miu:** bold of you to assume i slept miss milf

**Kirumi:** :(

**Gonta:** Iruma-san! Sleep is important!

**Miu:** ok yeaaa but like

**Miu:** its such a fuckin waste

**Miu:** i mean you spend half your fuckin life asleep

**Miu:** we could do so much shit if we werent unconscious all the time yknow

**Gonta:** That… doesn’t feel like the best mindset to view sleep with

**Miu:** jksjdfk whatever listen i had shit to do

**Miu:** im working on a new invention. this ones gonna knock ur socks off, tree dick

**Gonta:** Gonta doesn’t wear socks.

**Kaito:** Just finished my run! Morning guys!

**Kaede:** Momota-kun! Hi!

**Kaito:** Yo!!

**Angie:** what a brilliant morning ! hello friends !!

**Miu:** oh good it’s the priest girl

**Angie:** perhaps miu should look into religious terminology before throwing it around

**Angie:** angie is a vessel, not a priest

**Miu:** so when you rub one out is that like a god situation or w

**Angie:** would that be something you’re looking for in a god, miu ? because God will provide

**Angie:** even if your desires are sinful

**Miu:** SINFULDSJFKDJSFL

**Tenko:** wwow your god’s pretty versatile huh angie-san

**Angie:** He is what people want Him to be ! uwu

**Tenko:** i see…

**Angie:** :)

**Kaito:** Aw heck yeah coffee

**Kaito:** Thanks Toujo-san

**Gonta:** Is coffee good?

**Kaito:** Fuck yeah it’s great-- why, you never had it?   
  


**Gonta:** Well. Gonta has tried it once but it was very bitter

**Kaito:** Pft yeah it’ll do that if you don’t put sugar and cream in

**Gonta:** Oh? That does sound good!

**Kaito:** Come to the dining hall! We can figure out your ideal coffee cup together >:)

**Gonta:** Okay! Gonta will be there

**Kaede:** Haha, don’t let Saihara-kun catch you! I think he almost fainted when he saw my cream-to-coffee ratio

**Tenko:** was that degenerate judging you for your coffee preferences akamatsu-san?

**Tenko:** tenko will throw him for you!!!

**Kaede:** Oh! You don’t have to do that, dw

**Kaede:** I think he was just messing with me haha

**Kaede:** Not that Momota-kun or Gonta-kun have to worry about Saihara-kun showing up since he won’t be awake for another hour at least!   
  


**Miu:** wow i’d love to be in one of his sex dreams if he likes sleeping so much

**Kaede:** Iruma-san :(

**Miu:** ksjdfkjsf what

**Angie:** you know, you know

**Angie:** in God’s kingdom there are loads of opportunities for pleasure ! yup yup

**Miu:** why would i want that when i already get so many booty calls

**Angie:** God’s doors are always open, Miu !

**Kaito:** Jeez Angie you really just go for it first thing in the morning huh

**Tenko:** she sure does…

**Angie:** :3

**Korekiyo:** Ah, the beauty of being woken up to the sound of dozens of text alerts at seven in the morning. How wonderful.

**Tenko:** then silence your phone, degenerate

**Korekiyo:** Fair point. I was not expecting for so many people to be awake so early, however.

**Angie:** life is beautiful korekiyo ! we must spend as much time of it awake as possible ! (⌒▽⌒)☆

**Kaede:** Okay, I think we should all go to breakfast now lol

**Kaede:** Talk in person!

**Gonta:** Yes! Come to the dining hall! Momota-kun is on his third mug of coffee and Gonta is slightly worried about it!

**Miu:** shit well this i gotta see

**Korekiyo:** Kukuku, how intriguing.

**Himiko:** first of all: 97 new messages at 6am are you people even real

**Himiko:** second of all: if you dont stop typing out your laugh shinguji i will curse you so that all your pant legs tie together

  
**Korekiyo:** Oh my.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early morning squad rise up
> 
> (not me though i slept in until eleven today)


	4. Tuesday, May 1st, Whole Class Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miu: i mean id start dumping on the babysitter’s tits but theyre not even worth talking about tbh
> 
> Himiko: we are NOT doing boob gossip
> 
> Kokichi: hits too close to home huh
> 
> Himiko: WOW

_4:33 PM_

**Kokichi:** ok so

**Kokichi:** since hoshi~chan and harukawa~chan have the gc muted

**Kokichi:** we should gossip about them

**Shuichi:** absolutely not.

**Kokichi:** KLJSDKLFJDSKF WOW SO SUDDENLY ? T_T SAIHARA~CHAN IS SO MEAN

**Shuichi:** i dont like gossip :(

**Kokichi:** i mean isnt that kinda what detective work is tho? talking about ppl behind their backs, exposing their deepest secrets?

**Shuichi:** ahaha bold of you to assume i’m a good detective

**Kokichi:** damn

**Kaito:** SHUICHI! That’s no way to talk about yourself, man!   
  


**Shuichi:**...shuichi, huh?

**Kaede:** He’s right! You need to practice positive self talk, Saihara-kun!

**Kokichi:** nishishi brought this on yourself saihara~chan

**Shuichi:** maybe i should mute the gc too

**Kaede:** :(

**Shuichi:** nvm

**Kaede:** :D

**Himiko:** im here for the tea and the tea only

**Kokichi:** thank GOD

**Kiibo:** We shouldn’t use this texting chat to spread rumours about our classmates! It’s disrespectful!

**Kokichi:** im a supreme leader of EVIL kiibaby, what gave you the impression i was respectful

**Kiibo:** I… cannot dispute that, but EVEN SO!!

**Miu:** i mean id start dumping on the babysitter’s tits but theyre not even worth talking about tbh

**Himiko:** we are NOT doing boob gossip

**Kokichi:** hits too close to home huh

**Himiko:** WOW

**Tenko:** DONT HARASS YUMENO-SAN!!!

**Tenko:** yumeno-san please dont feel bad youre very beautiful that menace is just nasty

**Himiko:** ;3; im a growing girl

**Tenko:** you are!!! but even if youre not it doesnt matter!!!!

**Kaede:** Iruma-san, Ouma-kun, you guys shouldn’t comment on other people’s bodies. It’s not kind!

**Kokichi:** ok sorry mom

**Kaede:** I feel like you’re trying to mess with me

**Kokichi:** yeah

**Kokichi:** you’re not my mom to begin with! i only have one mom and her name is toujo~chan!

**Rantaro:** you should stop calling her that, she doesn’t like it

**Kokichi:** oh? is amami~chan stopping his lurking ways?

**Rantaro:** haha never

**Tsumugi:** i don’t read up as a matter of principle but i saw something about gossip and im here for it

**Himiko:** mood

**Shuichi:** ;-;

**Kokichi:** i guess im gonna have to make another gc or smth because if saihara~chan starts sending crying emojis im gonna have to go to the confessional or something

**Angie:** God will forgive you if you repent !

**Kokichi:** i dont need repentance i need power

**Kaede:** I didn’t create this group chat so you can gossip!

**Kaede:** Besides, just because Hoshi-kun and Harukawa-san have the group chat muted, that doesn’t mean they won’t EVER check it. They could see you and feel hurt!

**Miu:** yeesh what do you think we’ll be talking about? its not like they have any huge secrets under their wing

**Himiko:** harukawa is a child caregiver, how much could she possibly be hiding

**Kokichi:** do u ever just cry

**Kaito:** No lol

**Kokichi:** sounds fake but ok

**Miu:** i bet you cry while beating off because youre so fucking sad nobody will sleep with you

**Kaito:** HEY

**Kaito:** There is SO much wrong with what you just said

**Miu:** KLJDJSFKJSDFJ

**Shuichi:** i think the keysmashing is the texting equivalent to iruma-san squealing

**Miu:** DONT EXPOSE ME FJDSKF

**Kokichi:** ohhh and here i thought she was just gay

**Miu:** wwwell you wouldn’t be wrong

**Kaede:** Aw, Iruma-san, I didn’t know you were gay!

**Miu:** LKJFDSKLFj IM NOT GAY IM PAN

**Miu:** but micro penis man likes to project onto people

**Kokichi:** i get lonely sometimes because chabashira~chan doesn’t know how to label her attraction

**Tenko:** just because!!!

**Tenko:** men are degenerates!!!!

**Tenko:** doesnt mean tenko feels like that about girls!!!!!

**Angie:** hmm ~ and here angie thought tenko had a thing for himiko !

**Tenko:** pppfft noooo i dont

**Tenko:** tenko just thinks that. himiko is really cool!

**Kokichi:** ok comp het

**Tenko:** SHUT UP MENACE TENKO WILL THROW YOu

**Kokichi:** nishishishishi no need for that it was a lie

**Tenko:** oh

**Kokichi:** or was it?

**Shuichi:** how about we discuss something else?

**Kaede:** Yeah! One of my favourite violinists has a performance with her pianist this upcoming week and I have an extra ticket! Does anybody want to go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smh ouma


	5. Tuesday, May 1st, Tenko + Shuichi Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenko: it’s just that yumeno-san always seems so weird about it and tenko doesnt want her to think that
> 
> Tenko: the only reason she wants to be friends. is BECAUSE of that. yknow?
> 
> Shuichi: i understand.
> 
> Tenko: not that i think yumeno-san would judge me! it’s just
> 
> Tenko: kjdsfkljdsf

_ This is the beginning of a conversation between you and Shuichi Saihara. _

_ 5:02 PM _

**Tenko:** hey saihara-san

**Tenko:** dont take this weird bc youre still a degenerate

**Tenko:** but

**Tenko:** kldjsfj thanks for changing the subject back there

**Shuichi:** ah np

**Shuichi:** i thought you seemed uncomfortable and its not as though ouma-kun really has much respect for boundaries

**Tenko:** yeah. he’s the biggest degenerate in the class

**Shuichi:** i can’t argue with that

**Tenko:** its not rlly his fault either tho

**Tenko:** and tenko IS a lesbian

**Tenko:** it’s just that yumeno-san always seems so weird about it and tenko doesnt want her to think that

**Tenko:** the only reason she wants to be friends. is BECAUSE of that. yknow?

**Shuichi:** i understand.

**Tenko:** not that i think yumeno-san would judge me! it’s just

**Tenko:** kjdsfkljdsf

**Shuichi:** for what it’s worth, i think that even if yumeno-san seems a little put off sometimes, i doubt that’s related to your sexuality. she probably isn’t used to all the attention

**Shuichi:** though you could probably lay off a bit

**Tenko:** yeah

**Tenko:** i mEaN tEnKo wAsN’t aSkInG

**Shuichi:** LKJDSLKFJDKJF

**Tenko:** no but thats fair. tenko understands

**Tenko:** and if saihara-san tells anybody about this tenko will be very mad and probably throw you

**Shuichi:** haha understood

  
**Tenko:** ok. tysm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tenko and shuichi can be friends as a treat


	6. Tuesday, May 1st, Gossip Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi: angie~chan, of course
> 
> Kokichi: i bet she’s got loooots of tea to spill
> 
> Angie: hmmm :) ?
> 
> Kokichi: also because i have a crush on you!
> 
> Angie: aww, kokichi, that’s so sweet!
> 
> Kokichi: just kidding!!! obviously
> 
> Angie: ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

_ This is the beginning of a conversation between you, Miu Iruma, Himiko Yumeno, and three others. _

_ 5:15 PM _

**Kokichi:** gossip gc gossip gc

**Miu:** OH FUCK YEAH!!!   
  


**Himiko:** it is t i m e

**Tsumugi:** wow ive never been in so many gcs with irls before haha

**Kokichi:** awww, are all shirogane~chan’s friends online pedos?

**Tsumugi:** theyre other cosplayers actually but its cute when you try to throw shade at me, ouma-kun.

**Tsumugi:** ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

**Kokichi:** FLDKJSFKDJSFkj

**Himiko:** WOW

**Miu:** AHAHAHA GET HIS ASS

**Himiko:** gossip gc: really used to oppress ouma

**Miu:** its true purpose

**Tsumugi:** heehee ill be here all night

**Kokichi:** YOURE ALL SO MEEEEAAAAN

**Korekiyo:** Oh? And why was I added to this group message?

**Kokichi:** ew dont call it a group message you weirdo

**Kokichi:** i invited u because i thought you’d have tea to spill

**Korekiyo:** Well… gossip is another aspect of humanity that I find beautiful, if controversial from time to time.

**Himiko:** uh dont take this the wrong way but dont you kinda think ALL aspects of humanity are beautiful

**Korekiyo:** Yes, that is correct. Kukuku.

**Himiko:** ok go off lmao

**Tsumugi:** who else did you add ouma-kun

**Kokichi:** angie~chan, of course

**Kokichi:** i bet she’s got loooots of tea to spill

**Angie:** hmmm :) ?

**Kokichi:** also because i have a crush on you!

**Angie:** aww, kokichi, that’s so sweet!

**Kokichi:** just kidding!!! obviously

**Angie:** ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

**Miu:** would it kill you to go a day without reminding the class that youre gay

**Kokichi:** yes it would.

**Kokichi:** youve got a lot of nerve talking shit for a girl who has to resort to common household appliances for pleasure

**Miu:** KJDSLKJFLKDSJF OKAY OKAY OKAY OKa

**Tsumugi:** for someone who dishes it out so much you really don’t know how to take it, huh ouma-kun?

**Kokichi:** hey nobody ever said i wasnt a hypocrite

**Kokichi:** or maybe thats a lie? and i only pretend not to like it because i know my hate of it will make you do it more?

**Kokichi:** insult me shirogane~chan, daddy

**Tsumugi:** haha save that for amami

**Kokichi:** EW EW EW EW WTF GROSS WH

**Tsumugi:** thought he was your type heehee

**Kokichi:** NOOOOOOOOOOOo

**Kokichi:** I CALL HIM ONII~CHAN

**Kokichi:** THIS ISNT ONE OF THOSE DEPRAVED HENTAI YOU WATCH AT FOUR IN THE MORNING BECAUSE NOBODY LOVES YOU SHIROGANE~CHAN THIS IS REAL LIFE

**Himiko:** romancing amami … gross

**Korekiyo:** I would have to respectfully disagree with you there.

**Miu:** think he’s more interested in some foreign chicks LOL

**Korekiyo:** As unfortunate as it is that I have to agree with Iruma-san, I suppose you’re right.

**Miu:** LKDJSLFKJDfKJFK WHY ME

**Miu:** look im just saying he obviously gets a lot of pussy

**Himiko:** youre so gross iruma

**Tsumugi:** i hate that youre right!!! hes like one of the love interests in a shojo manga!!!

**Tsumugi:** but not one of the sweet ones

**Tsumugi:** the only thing GOOD about him is his looks

**Tsumugi:** and hes not even that hot

**Tsumugi:** grrrrrr he just waltzes into a room like hum dee da i have pretty eyelashes ALSO can i paint your nails akamatsu-san? hhuhkdfj

**Himiko:** the salt … i wasnt ready

**Miu:** lmao didnt know plain jane over here was a cuck

**Kokichi:** shirogane~chan has daddy issues

**Kokichi:** but i like amami~chan! he reminds me of my beloved big brother! <3

**Korekiyo:** Of course, this isn’t to say that I believe any of your tales, Ouma-kun, so don’t be mislead.

**Korekiyo:** But didn’t you say you killed your older brother?

**Kokichi:** nishishi

**Miu:** oh yeah wait

**Miu:** yo unrelated but whats up w/ you and miss andry, sister naga?

**Angie:** your nicknames are most curious, miu !

**Miu:** yea yea just answer the damn question

**Angie:** well, nothing is “up” ! tenko and angie are friends (o^▽^o)

**Miu:** friends? pshaaaw

**Angie:** what ? does miu doubt our friendship ?

**Miu:** nah bitch but she sure seems to hate ur ass

**Angie:** well . that would be news to angie

**Kokichi:** yumeno~chan and chabashira~chan are aaaalways together, why can’t yumeno~chan just say if chabashira~chan hates angie~chan~? :3

**Tsumugi:** the amount of tildes in that message is giving me brain rot

**Kokichi:** owo

**Himiko:** uh

**Himiko:** idk she doesnt usually talk about her feelings

**Himiko:** just aikido and stuff. also my magic

**Korekiyo:** Oh? I was under the impression that you two were close friends.

**Himiko:** … ive known her for less than a month

**Himiko:** i like chabashira but our conversations arent gonna win any poetry contests

**Kokichi:** worm?

**Himiko:** yea. idk sorry

**Angie:** well, there is no reason for himiko to be sorry ! it is as angie said, we’re friends !

**Tsumugi:** this would be a great slowburn!!!

**Kokichi:** omg! i tooootally know what you’re talking about

**Tsumugi:** y’know, your lies don’t stick as well if you use the word totally like that

**Kokichi:** i was being sarcastic, you naruto wannabe

**Tsumugi:** i don’t want to BE naruto, i want to honour the character by cosplaying as him!

**Tsumugi:** oh, you’re baiting me

**Kokichi:** haha, yup yup! caught in the act~~

  
**Himiko:** wow i love my friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these fucking rascals


	7. Thursday, May 3rd, Whole Class Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Himiko: why are we arguing about this does someone think water isnt wet?
> 
> Tenko: momota-san and shinguji-san -.-
> 
> Himiko: oh lol
> 
> Himiko: well theyre not valid anyway
> 
> Kaito: THATS LOW YUMENO

_ 2:47 AM _

**Kokichi:** is water wet

**Shuichi:** wh

**Shuichi:** ouma-kun why are you even awake?

**Tenko:** OF COURSE ITS WET

**Tenko:** its WATER

**Shuichi:** chabashira-san??

**Kokichi:** oh? chabashira~chan you seem to have strong opinions on this

**Tenko:** WATER IS WET. PERIOD

**Kaito:** THE FUCK IT IS

**Kaito:** WATER IS NOT WET

**Tenko:** WRONG!!! FOR A MENACE YOU SURE DO HAVE A TENDENCY TO BE WRONG!!!!!

**Shuichi:** wha

**Kaito:** SIDEKICK BACK ME UP

**Shuichi:** WHA

**Tenko:** its water!!! water is wet

**Kaito:** Nono listen you’re not hearing reason Chabashira

**Tenko:** tenko would like the degenerate to consider that but in reverse!!

**Kaito:** Wet is what you are after you touch water

**Kaito:** Like if you splashed someone in the face with water, they would be wet

**Kaito:** But water ITSELF isn’t wet

**Kokichi:** isn’t wetness a quality of water, tho? :3

**Tenko:** YEAH!!! SEE

**Kokichi:** wow! chabashira~chan loves me~~~

**Tenko:** uhhh lets not get ahead of ourselves here

**Kokichi:** T_T

**Kaito:** For fuck’s sake

**Kaito:** No. If anything water is sticky

**Tenko:** STICKY???? HOW DARE YOU

**Korekiyo:** Yes, Momota-kun is correct. Water particles are quite sticky. That is why the surface tension of water is so high.

**Kaito:** See? He gets it!   
  


**Tenko:** DISGUSTING

**Tenko:** DID YOU THINK TENKO WAS GONNA TAKE THE TESTIMONY OF THAT INGRATE   
  


**Kaito:** BUT YOURE TAKING OUMA’S????

**Korekiyo:** That is rather hurtful, Chabashira-san.

**Tenko:** IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE TENKO FEEL GUILTY

**Korekiyo:** Ah, now that you ask, I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting you to say.

**Korekiyo:** At any rate, water is certainly not wet.

**Kaito:** Yeah

**Himiko:** all these messages at two am …

**Tenko:** YUMENO-SAN!!!!

**Himiko:** yeah

**Tenko:** sorry for the caps yumeno-san but tenko has to know

**Tenko:** is water wet?

**Himiko:** sure it is, why wouldnt it be wet

**Kaito:** NOOOOOOOOOOO

**Korekiyo:** Kukuku, how interesting.

**Tenko:** thank GOD

**Tenko:** well not god thank YUMENO-SAN!!!

**Tenko:** SEE! WATER IS WET

**Kaito:** Look man just because Yumeno’s opinion is the deciding factor for you doesn’t mean that’s true for the rest of us

**Kokichi:** nishishishi for someone whos wrong he’s got a point

**Kokichi:** not all of us are simps, chabashira~chan

**Tenko:** LKFDJSLKLKJDSFK SHUT!! SHUT!!!

**Himiko:** why are we arguing about this does someone think water isnt wet?

**Tenko:** momota-san and shinguji-san -.-

**Himiko:** oh lol

**Himiko:** well theyre not valid anyway

**Kaito:** THATS LOW YUMENO

**Korekiyo:** Saihara-kun, you’ve been quiet. What is your stance on this debate?

**Shuichi:** ...i don’t really have a very strong opinion?

**Shuichi:** or rather, i don’t know enough about science to take a stance

**Himiko:** look i googled it see water is wet

**Tenko:** HAH!!!

**Kaito:** THATS ONE ARTICLE THAT DOESNT PROVE SHIT

**Korekiyo:** Oh my, the first search result… how lazy, Yumeno-san. Kukuku.

**Tenko:** STOP TYPING OUT YOUR LAUGH AND INSULTING YUMENO-SAN

**Tenko:** TENKO WILL GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW AND FLIP YOU

**Korekiyo:** That’s quite the effort to put into a debate where you chose the wrong side.

**Kaito:** Damn

**Shuichi:** um

**Shuichi:** i googled it too, yumeno-san, and it says water isn’t wet

**Shuichi:** i don’t really believe that googling your answer proves it one way or the other

**Kaito:** He’s a detective y’all you gotta listen to him

**Miu:** wtf

**Miu:** water isnt??? wet???????

**Kokichi:** Wow, Iruma~Chan, Betraying Your Own Best Friend

**Miu:** WERE NOT FRIENDS SHIT DICK AND YOURE WRONG

**Kokichi:** KLDJSLKFJDSKJF YOURE SO MEEEAAAAN

**Angie:** God has woken angie from her slumber to inform you all that water is in fact wet !

**Angie:** so that’s the end of it (* ^ ω ^)

**Tenko:** oh

**Tenko:** thanks angie-san

**Himiko:** if god says it we cant argue

**Angie:** nyahaha !

**Kaito:** Uh, no offense but that doesn’t prove shit

**Miu:** its actual science you fucking morons

**Miu:** like if ur about to have HOT FUCKING SEX

**Miu:** and ur pussy is dripping

**Rantaro:** okay, maybe metaphor isn’t the right way to win this debate

**Miu:** LKDJSFKJKDLSFJ

**Kokichi:** oh!!! amami~chan!!!!!! :3

**Rantaro:** why don’t we all just agree to disagree

**Kaito:** LIKE HELL I WILL!!! NO MAN AGREES TO DISAGREE   
  


**Shuichi:** ah, i read a couple articles online and i think i’ll have to agree with momota-kun that water isn’t wet.

**Tenko:** any shreds of decency you had up until a moment now are gone

**Shuichi:** ;-;

**Kaito:** GOOD ON YOU SHUICHI

**Himiko:** but like amami which side are you on

**Rantaro:** haha who says I have a side? :)

**Korekiyo:** I am rather curious. You must have an opinion on the matter.

**Rantaro:** you’re right but I dunno if I want to say it

**Rantaro:** I’d rather not pick sides in this kinda thing, y’know?

**Kaito:** Don’t be a coward Amami

**Rantaro:** water isn’t wet.

**Kokichi:** ABDBDNASKJFJLD

**Miu:** KLDJSLFASJKDLJD WOW   
  


**Tenko:** DISGRACEFUL!!!! DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

**Himiko:** sucks to be wrong doesnt it

**Angie:** hmmmm, God will forgive you if you repent in the next few minutes, rantaro !

**Rantaro:** haha thanks for the offer but I think I’m okay

**Korekiyo:** Well. It appears that there’s hardly much of a debate to be had.

**Tsumugi:** due to personal reasons

**Tsumugi:** water is wet

**Rantaro:** that hurts, Shirogane-san

**Tsumugi:** fuck you

**Himiko:** GUTTED

**Miu:** KJDSFKJDKJF

**Rantaro:** :(

**Kokichi:** WOW SHIROGANE~CHAN OKAY GO OFF LMAO

**Angie:** it is how God intended :3

**Kaede:** WHAT IS THIS

**Kaede:** WHY ARE YOU ALL AWAKE

**Kaede:** GO TO SLEEP!!!!

**Miu:** aw yeah like you werent awake rubbing one out on the piano

**Kaede:** I was playing the piano yeah but you’re all just talking about stupid things!!! Go to sleep!!!!! Who even started this!!!!

**Kaito:** Ouma

**Kaede:** Ouma-kun!

**Kokichi:** man why there so many snitches out here

**Kaede:** Everyone go to sleep!!! Right now!!!!

**Tenko:** okay akamatsu-san!!

**Shuichi:** i suppose i’ll look at memes in the morning

**Himiko:** gn lmao

**Kaito:** Fine but water is not wet

**Angie:** hmmmm you will learn :)

**Kaito:** That’s absolutely terrifying thanks

**Korekiyo:** Kukuku. Rest well.

**Rantaro:** I’m actually at the airport right now but I’ll go back to browsing memes on IG

**Tsumugi:** wtf is it even possible to be that much of a normie

**Miu:** sleep is for the fuckin weak

**Kaede:** Iruma-san.

**Miu:** kljdskfjskf ok ok

_ 3:15 AM _

**Kokichi:** is milk a soup

**Kaede:** GO TO SLEEp

**Kokichi:** fine fine. you’re no fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by the danganronpa discord server. if you wanna join and experience more chaos (and also talk about other stuff because aside from the debate we have fun conversations) then :eyes: be my guest
> 
> https://discordapp.com/invite/ZE8tBJT
> 
> water is not wet oh my god


	8. Monday, May 7th, Whole Class Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito: You should learn how to take better notes, sidekick! It’s an important life skill
> 
> Shuichi: why do you keep calling me your sidekick?
> 
> Kaito: I decided to take you on and help you out! :D
> 
> Shuichi: ah. that makes sense

_ 3:21 PM _

**Kaede:** Hey, is there anybody here who can help me take some notes for Amami-kun? I don’t mind doing it but I worry my notes aren’t very good lol

**Kaede:** I don’t usually take them

**Gonta:** Gonta will happily lend Amami-kun some notes! Why does he need them?

**Kaito:** Dude misses a lot of class I’d be surprised if he didn’t tbh

**Kaito:** Of course, if you’re the Luminary of the Stars, you usually don’t need notes

**Kaito:** But when it comes to absences they’re pretty handy

**Shuichi:** ah. i hear my notes are incomprehensible so i’m afraid i can’t help

**Kaede:** What? They can’t be that bad. You’re so smart, Saihara-kun!

**Shuichi:** i’m flattered but harukawa-san says they’re awful

**Kaede:** :/

**Kaede:** I want a second opinion. I’m going to text Harukawa-san directly

**Kaito:** You should learn how to take better notes, sidekick! It’s an important life skill

**Shuichi:** why do you keep calling me your sidekick?

**Kaito:** I decided to take you on and help you out! :D

**Shuichi:** ah. that makes sense

**Shuichi:** but you don’t take notes, right?

**Kaito:** Well, yeah. But again, I’m the Luminary of the Stars!!!!! I don’t need notes

**Shuichi:** you failed the last history test though

**Kaito:** Shhh I don’t need history to go to space

**Himiko:** history class drains my mana so yeah mood

**Gonta:** Oh! Do Yumeno-san and Momota-kun want help in history? Gonta will happily help with notes if there’s anything they’re missing!

**Himiko:** part of the mana draining sitch is linked to studying so no but thanks

**Kaito:** It’s fine man! I’m doing great (ouo)b

**Gonta:** Alright! But Gonta is happy to help any time :D

**Maki:** saihara’s notes are impossible to read.

**Kaede:** I’m glad you don’t have our personal chat muted haha

**Maki:** i have hundreds of missed messages from this group message so i’m considering that to be a win.

**Maki:** you could have just asked me there instead of telling me to check this thing.

**Kaede:** Aww, well, maybe I wanted you to interact with us!

**Kaede:** I like talking to you, Harukawa-san!

**Maki:** …

**Maki:** whatever.

**Maki:** anyway nobody can rely on saihara for notes.

**Shuichi:** :’)

**Kaito:** Shuichi man

**Kaito:** Men gotta be reliable!

**Shuichi:** well, if i was taking notes for somebody else, i would make an effort to tidy them up

**Kaito:** Oh that makes sense

**Shuichi:** the problem is i write pretty slowly when im making a conscious effort to be. legible

**Shuichi:** as i have Anxiety

**Kaito:** Lol why did you capitalise the word anxiety

**Shuichi:** …

**Tsumugi:** its really hard to accept the fact that hes a normie isnt it

**Shuichi:** well it’s either that or something else but for personal reasons i hope youre right

**Tsumugi:** my normie detector is on point dw

**Kaito:** Hey! I’m not a normie!

**Tsumugi:** you plainly dont know what normie means

**Kaito:** You call Amami a normie a lot

**Tsumugi:** okay well thats because he is one

**Tsumugi:** as are you

**Tsumugi:** but you’re not as bad as amami

**Kaito:** I’m not going to be flattered by that!

**Tsumugi:** its a dog eat dog world momota-kun you should take what you can get

**Tsumugi:** anyway saihara-kun capitalised the word anxiety either because he has brain rot or because he’s gay

**Shuichi:** aha i’m not gay

**Kaede:** It’s okay if you are!!

**Shuichi:** i know :’)

**Kaito:** Yeah bro! I wouldn’t judge you if you were gay

**Shuichi:** thanks dskfjkdfjsdf

**Maki:** well, it’s good you have that going for you.

**Kirumi:** I would be happy to take notes for Amami-kun, Akamatsu-san.

**Kaede:** Oh! Toujo-san!!

**Kirumi:** What subjects would you like me to cover?

**Kaede:** Ahhh I feel bad asking you! I mean I’m sure your notes would be really really good it’s just that you already do so much for us.

**Kirumi:** Well, I am a maid, after all.

**Kokichi:** a maid and a MOM

**Kokichi:** nishi that should be the title of ur memoir

**Kirumi:** Please stop calling me your mother.

**Kokichi:** even my own mommy rejects me

**Kaede:** Uh… maybe you should stop, Ouma-kun.

**Kokichi:** none of you people are any fun

**Kaito:** Dude it’s called respect

**Kaito:** When people say stop you should stop

**Kokichi:** ohh and you’re a master when it comes to respecting other people’s wishes, right?

**Kaito:** Well, I know not to call Toujo my mom!

**Kokichi:** harumaki tells you not to call her harumaki on the daily, though … :3c

**Maki:** that would be a valid statement if you didn’t just call me that stupid nickname.

**Maki:** neither of you know the meaning of the word stop.

**Shuichi:** ah. is the group chat really the place for this?

**Kaede:** Ahaha yeah maybe your problems should be resolved irl…

**Kaito:** Sorry, Akamatsu

**Kaede:** No worries… ^^;

**Kokichi:** you guys are so boring :c

**Kirumi:** While I appreciate it, I think this is a matter that I would rather be kept between Ouma-kun and myself.

**Kirumi:** Also, Akamatsu-san, I promise that taking notes for Amami-kun would put no extra strain on my work load. I do it in class, after all. It takes no time at all to copy notes down onto another sheet of paper.

**Kaede:** Okay! I have faith in your abilities!!

**Kaede:** But don’t overwork yourself >:000

**Kirumi:** I will keep that in mind. :)

**Kaede:** I’ll text you the subjects needed directly

**Himiko:** so was amami lurking through that conversation about his notes or

**Tsumugi:** its hard to tell with him :/ he has read receipts off

**Shuichi:** we shouldn’t gossip about amami-kun

**Shuichi:** but it’s eleven pm in london so he’s probably sleeping rn

**Shuichi:** hopefully sleeping rn

**Kaito:** Lol dude how’d you know he’s in London?

**Shuichi:** i asked

**Kaito:** Oh. Didn’t know you two talked regularly!

**Shuichi:** ahaha i’m trying

**Shuichi:** but again we shouldnt gossip

**Kokichi:** i wouldve offered to help my dearest amami~chan but that would require effort and that’s something i cant promise ^w^

**Tsumugi:** your emoticon use reminds me of a 12 y/o furry

**Kokichi:** :3c ?

**Tsumugi:** pls stop

**Kokichi:** >:3c

**Himiko:** yea i dont take notes

**Himiko:** its such a pain

**Gonta:** No! Yumeno-san should take notes! Your academic success is important, Yumeno-san!

**Himiko:** im aware of that on some level but the rest of me figures if i just ignore it itll cease to exist

**Himiko:** not that thats how anything works but like im really good at pretending

**Tsumugi:** why dont you use your magic to get your homework done?

**Himiko:** uh, i only have so much mana shirogane

**Tsumugi:** yeah true. you need to use it for important things, like cursing shinguji-kun’s pants together!

**Korekiyo:** Please don’t do that.

**Himiko:** LURKING ?

**Kokichi:** ooooooh lurking is a crime shinguji~chan

**Korekiyo:** Lurking on the group chat is no different from standing by and passively observing the conversation. Which is what I already do in real life, is it not?

**Korekiyo:** Also, you’re all much more entertaining if I don’t expend the energy required to actually engage with you.

**Kokichi:** damn. got us there

**Tsumugi:** ill forgive it because it’s not amami-kun

**Korekiyo:** Kukuku, thank you very much.


	9. Monday, May 7th, Tenko + Shuichi Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenko: when tenko was thirteen she got this HUGE crush on one of the girls who spends time around her master’s temple
> 
> Tenko: really super pretty long black hair, she was like some kind of goddess
> 
> Tenko: she wasnt a goddess though
> 
> Tenko: anyway tenko defs didnt like males but she thought that was kinda the only option???? so liking this girl was weird
> 
> Tenko: and i felt equally weird asking my parents (OR MASTER!!!!) so i just googled it. lots of results came up but i found a forum online and met some people who told me about it
> 
> Shuichi: haha i didnt know you had internet friends

_ 3:46 PM _

**Shuichi:** hey chabashira-san? can i talk to you about something?

**Tenko:** ? sure what is it

**Shuichi:** uhm,

**Shuichi:** i don’t know if you saw the chat earlier but …

**Tenko:** uuhhh

**Tenko:** no tenko muted it temporarily to train

**Tenko:** give her a few minutes and she’ll read up

**Shuichi:** alright

**Tenko:** ohhh yikes :/

**Tenko:** shirogane-san is kind of blunt!!!!!

**Shuichi:** ;^;

**Tenko:** was that a similar outing situation or was saihara-san just upset about the implications because either is ok tenko just wants to be clear

**Shuichi:** ah… the thing is im not really sure

**Shuichi:** i don’t want it to seem like the only reason im texting you is because you came out to me though skdjfkj it has more to do with you personally than that

**Tenko:** if that WAS the impression tenko got she’d have blocked your number by now

**Shuichi:** ok im just making sure ksdjfn

**Shuichi:** i would confide in akamatsu-san im just

**Shuichi:** im stressed out about it because of what she said

**Shuichi:** i know she’d be accepting but i also know that she would urge me to tell other people

**Shuichi:** not that i even know enough about my labels to uhm. tell people anything but

**Shuichi:** sorry im sort of talking a lot ksdjf

**Tenko:** no!!!

**Tenko:** tenko just isnt saying anything because she’s trying not to interrupt

**Shuichi:** ah okay

**Tenko:** akamatsu-san is super nice and she would understand whatever it is saihara-san chooses to tell her!! but also i get what you mean she can be really optimistic and sometimes it’s a little overwhelming

**Shuichi:** she means well it just makes me anxious

**Shuichi:** most things make me anxious

**Shuichi:** and the thing is im worried i have feelings for momota-kun

**Tenko:** oh ew

**Shuichi:** im sorry

**Tenko:** its fine its okay tenko didn’t mean to be invalidating

**Tenko:** just… 

**Shuichi:** i know you don’t get along well ;;

**Tenko:** tenko will keep her opinions to herself!! keep going

**Shuichi:** mmmm he said that he’s straight

**Shuichi:** and im inclined to believe him

**Shuichi:** so now im just sitting here like. please stop :))

**Shuichi:** but im not stopping

**Tenko:** would spending time with other people help? just for a while so ur feelings can calm down

**Shuichi:** ahhhh i don’t know if im strong enough for that ;w;

**Tenko:** self improvement saihara-san!!!

**Shuichi:** haha i know

**Shuichi:** dont take this the wrong way but you sound like momota-kun

**Tenko:** >:(

**Shuichi:** ksdjfkdjsf i dont think im gay. that wasn’t a lie

**Tenko:** but ?

**Shuichi:** uhm i dont know a lot about. labels. but i think i like them both? boys and girls

**Tenko:** there are more than two, degenerate

**Shuichi:** oh? ah… well i guess then gender wouldnt make much of a difference

**Tenko:** so… pansexual or bisexual!! they mean kinda similar things but usually people chooses one or the other

**Tenko:** and ur not a bad person if you use either !!

**Shuichi:** how do you know all this stuff?

**Tenko:** when tenko was thirteen she got this HUGE crush on one of the girls who spends time around her master’s temple

**Tenko:** really super pretty long black hair, she was like some kind of goddess

**Tenko:** she wasnt a goddess though

**Tenko:** anyway tenko defs didnt like males but she thought that was kinda the only option???? so liking this girl was weird

**Tenko:** and i felt equally weird asking my parents (OR MASTER!!!!) so i just googled it. lots of results came up but i found a forum online and met some people who told me about it

**Shuichi:** haha i didnt know you had internet friends

**Tenko:** tenko doesnt really talk to them anymore

**Tenko:** they didnt do anything bad-- and talking to males online is fine because tenko isn’t actually seeing or touching them so her neo aikido energy is safe-- but we lost touch

**Tenko:** it happens ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Shuichi:** that’s a mature way to think about it. i think if i lost friends who made a really big impact on my self expression i would feel really

**Shuichi:** sad, i guess

**Tenko:** well its not like tenko lost them

**Tenko:** i still know all their birthdays and favourite colours and we still text each other happy new year

**Tenko:** and if i ever had another sexuality crisis (like an emergency crush on a male which is not gonna happen !!!) id probably text them

**Tenko:** but even if that wasnt the case theyd still be with me. people leave sometimes and thats how life is but its not like the time you spent together doesnt matter anymore

**Shuichi:** ah

**Tenko:** sorry tenko is getting a little preachy

**Shuichi:** no, no

**Shuichi:** this is… good insight. its something i dont think about a lot

**Tenko:** but saihara-san is afraid of losing people?

**Shuichi:** yes

**Tenko:** hm

**Tenko:** maybe we should talk irl. tenko gets a better feeling for how you are if she can train with you

**Shuichi:** ah, are you still doing that?

**Tenko:** sorta lol taking a break

**Tenko:** but she’s still in her lab!!! saihara-san can come and train with her this one time

**Shuichi:** are you sure? i know you don’t let ouma-kun into your lab

**Tenko:** well yea but thats ouma-san

**Tenko:** talk about a menace among menaces

**Shuichi:** haha okay i’ll come then

**Shuichi:** uhm. thank you, chabashira-san

  
**Tenko:** sure :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm ? :3


	10. Saturday, May 12th, Whole Class Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirumi: Is that something you do often? Help with your father’s business?
> 
> Rantaro: so-so
> 
> Kirumi: Ah, am I asking too many questions?
> 
> Rantaro: nah you’re good, dw. you guys really don’t have to be so cautious I swear I’m a chill guy

_ 1:56 PM _

**Kiibo:** Hello friends! :)

**Rantaro:** hey

**Kirumi:** Hello, Kiibo. Amami-kun.

**Rantaro:** hey Toujo-san

**Kiibo:** How are you two today? I’ve had a lot of maintenance work to get done with the Professor today so I haven’t seen anybody.

**Kirumi:** I’m alright. I have a brief period of free time as there are no tasks scheduled for the next hour or so.

**Kirumi:** (Well, an hour as of six minutes ago.)

**Rantaro:** you’re so organised haha I could never

**Kirumi:** It simply requires practice. And discipline, I suppose. But such things can be developed.

**Rantaro:** yeah, you might have a point

**Rantaro:** I’m okay. jetlagged

**Kiibo:** Oh! That’s right, you’re back from a trip, aren’t you?

**Rantaro:** yup

**Kiibo:** Where was it to? If you don’t mind my asking.

**Kiibo:** I… understand your travels are something of a personal thing for you.

**Rantaro:** not the locations haha don’t worry about it Kiibo

**Rantaro:** I’m back from Peru. got a nice tan going

**Kirumi:** Oh, Peru is in South America, correct?

**Rantaro:** hehe yeah

**Rantaro:** I don’t really have any reason to go further south than Mexico most of the time but my dad had some business so

**Kirumi:** Is that something you do often? Help with your father’s business?

**Rantaro:** so-so

**Kirumi:** Ah, am I asking too many questions?

**Rantaro:** nah you’re good, dw. you guys really don’t have to be so cautious I swear I’m a chill guy

**Rantaro:** I have some pictures if there’s any interest. Peru’s a beautiful country

**Rantaro:** how was the maintenance, Kiibo?

**Kiibo:** Productive! But exhausting as well. I’m actually plugged to the wall as we speak!

**Kiibo:** The Professor is talking about adding a number of new features to my build, but I’m… wary of implementing them.

**Kirumi:** Because of Ouma-kun?

**Kiibo:** Am I that transparent?

**Kirumi:** Well.

**Kiibo:** It’s not just that. I worry about taking on too many things that distinguish me from people (high-tech features that the rest of you can’t have) because I often feel like there are things that I already… can’t understand.

**Kiibo:** I’m happy with the features that I have and their capabilities as it pertains to helping other people but a large part of me is also desperate to… fit in, so to speak.

**Rantaro:** I get what you’re saying

**Rantaro:** y’know, you’re still one of us. like, even if you’re super fancy and high tech and stuff

**Rantaro:** if you got a rocket launcher or something I think the only real concern would be you losing your temper and shooting one off at Ouma-kun

**Kiibo:** I wouldn’t do that!!!!

**Rantaro:** haha I know ya wouldn’t, bud

**Kirumi:** Would you personally like to have those features installed, Kiibo? I believe that you should only act with your own desires in mind.

**Kirumi:** Of course, if those are limited to fitting in, then you’re welcome to do so.

**Kirumi:** But we would never let you feel excluded.

**Kirumi:** Erm, Amami-kun and I wouldn’t.

**Rantaro:** yeah. even if you blow up the school for some reason

**Kiibo:** Amami-kun!!

**Rantaro:** I’m just teasing you

**Kirumi:** :T

**Rantaro:** sorry Toujo-san

**Kiibo:** You’re right, though, Toujo-san. Thank you. And thank you as well, Amami-kun, even if the insinuation that I would ever blow up the school is… while not directly robophobic still offensive.

**Rantaro:** that’s my bad

**Kiibo:** I’m not really upset, don’t worry about it.

**Rantaro:** :)

**Kiibo:** I will think about what you’re saying and return to Professor Iidabashi with my thoughts!!! >:D

**Kokichi:** WOW you people are absolutely shameless ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡

**Kokichi:** talking about me behind my back

**Kokichi:** even YOU amami~chan

**Kirumi:** Hello, Ouma-kun.

**Kokichi:** don’t HELLO me

**Kokichi:** worst mom ever >:(

**Kirumi:** :(

**Kokichi:** hmph. fine. i forgive you. but not kiiboy because he’s a robot

**Kiibo:** UTTERLY NO PROVOCATION WHATSOEVER???? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

**Kokichi:** YOU DONT HAVE A ROCKET PUNCH

**Kiibo:** THIS ISN’T AN ANIME, OUMA-KUN!!!

**Kokichi:** THE INSINUATION THAT IM A LOSER LIKE SHIROGANE~CHAN WHO WATCHES ANIME IS PROFOUNDLY INSULTING

**Tsumugi:** thats rude, ouma-kun

**Kokichi:** sucks to suck

**Kiibo:** Anyway!!! I hope you aren’t causing trouble today, Ouma-kun.

**Kokichi:** awww what would the point of it be without my dearest best friend around to witness the pranks?   
  


**Kiibo:** Wait

**Kiibo:** Am I really your best friend?

**Kokichi:** there’s no fun in pranks if gonta~chan is asleep!!

**Kiibo:** Ah. I feel like I walked right into that

**Kokichi:** nishishi im just pulling your leg kiiboy

**Kokichi:** im a supreme leader of EVIL, i dont have a best friend

**Kokichi:** but you can be #1 underling. as a TREAT

**Kiibo:** Thank you, Ouma-kun, that means a lot to me.

**Kokichi:** ew wtf dont be gross

**Kokichi:** demoting you rn

**Kiibo:** :)

**Rantaro:** aww

**Kokichi:** okay literally choke and go back to lurking

**Rantaro:** haha are you embarrassed that we caught you caring about Kiibo

**Kokichi:** i will murder you in your sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fine, kiibo can have a little rights. as a treat


	11. Sunday, May 13th, Training Trio + Kaede Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaede: Ahaha you know me. Piano freak’s gotta get some food
> 
> Shuichi: you should stop calling yourself that :(
> 
> Kaede: It’s true though!!
> 
> Shuichi: nothing about your passions are freakish :( i find it very endearing actually
> 
> Kaede: Saihara-kun!!! That’s so sweet aww
> 
> Maki: ew.

_ 7:07 PM _

_ This is the beginning of a conversation between you, Shuichi Saihara, Harukawa Maki, and Akamatasu Kaede. _

**Kaito:** Hah! Akamatsu isn’t the only person who can make group chats

**Kaede:** Oh!! Haha I should’ve thought of something like this

**Maki:** great. another group chat.

**Kaito:** Oh c’mon Harumaki you can’t possibly have that many

**Maki:** two is too many for me.

**Kaito:** Two??? Don’t you have any with your friends from the orphanage or something?

**Maki:** that would imply the orphans have phones.

**Kaito:** Oh. Right

**Maki:** idiot.

**Shuichi:** the fact that you end all of your messages with periods makes me nervous, harukawa-san

**Maki:** most things make you nervous.

**Shuichi:** please dont call me out

**Maki:** so. not that i have anything against akamatsu. but why is she here.

**Maki:** saihara and i are the only ones you insist on calling your sidekicks.

**Kaito:** Actually trying to add Hoshi to that list right now but he keeps leaving me on read

**Shuichi:** rip

**Kaito:** This isn’t a sidekick group chat though! It’s a squad group chat

**Kaede:** Aww I’m a part of your squad? :D

**Shuichi:** we do sit together in a group of four at every meal

**Kaede:** I don’t go to your trainings though

**Kaito:** Your mental fortitude is too strong!! You don’t need to follow my trainings

**Kaito:** You can train yourself on the piano! Which is what I assume you’re doing every night when I text you and you’re still awake

**Kaede:** Ahaha you know me. Piano freak’s gotta get some food

**Shuichi:** you should stop calling yourself that :(

**Kaede:** It’s true though!!

**Shuichi:** nothing about your passions are freakish :( i find it very endearing actually

**Kaede:** Saihara-kun!!! That’s so sweet aww

**Maki:** ew.

**Shuichi:** LKDJSFKJSLAD

**Shuichi:** HARUKAWA-SAN WHY DO YOU INSIST ON OPPRESSING ME

**Maki:** you say that but when you walked into the dining hall on sunday wearing an mcr shirt did that not register in your brain as oppression to the rest of us or…

**Shuichi:** WH??? ELABORATE?????? OPPRESSION TO WHOM??

**Maki:** people who like good music.

**Shuichi:** hhow dare you

**Kaito:** Uhhhhhh

**Kaito:** I’m almost worried to ask but what’s MCR?

**Kaede:** Oh! I know this!!! My Chemical Romance!!! It’s a band that Saihara-kun likes!

**Kaito:** Ohhh gotcha

**Kaito:** You shouldn’t insult Shuichi’s music taste, Harumaki!   
  


**Maki:** i don’t fear god.

**Shuichi:** you’ll learn to

**Maki:** am i supposed to be afraid.

**Shuichi:** im on the verge of tears how could you come for gerard way’s life like this

**Shuichi:** ive had a celebrity crush on that man since i was eleven

**Maki:** the only song i know from that group is the one that everyone made memes about when i was thirteen.

**Shuichi:** i’m going to have to ask you to be a little more specific because

**Maki:** the one where the chorus is whiny and he sings “if you love me let me go” or whatever the fuck.

**Shuichi:** .

**Kaede:** I’ve heard little bits of that song!

**Kaito:** I mean it’s not THAT whiny, don’t feel bad, sidekick!   
  


**Shuichi:** y

**Shuichi:** i

**Shuichi:** h

**Shuichi:** i ca

**Shuichi:** i have a case sitting on my desk. a murder case. and its my least favourite kind of case to solve

**Shuichi:** but im going to go solve it

**Shuichi:** i am literally crying how could you say this to me harukawa-san i thought we were friends

**Maki:** i didn’t know you were a drama queen.

**Shuichi:** I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE AN EMOPHOBE KLJDKFD

**Shuichi:** i am shaking and on the verge of giving up

**Kaede:** Why!! What’s wrong??

**Kaede:** Harukawa-san if his music means that much to him maybe you should be nicer!!

**Maki:** i’m not going to sugar-coat it.

**Shuichi:** look. look. just

**Shuichi:** i dont even know what to say to you

**Kaito:** C’mon bro it’s just a difference in opinion

**Kaito:** Bro

**Kaito:** Awww you’re not really gonna ghost the chat over this are you

**Kaede:** Saihara-kun :( should I go to his room and talk to him?

**Maki:** maybe he just needs time to accept the fact that he’s edgy.

**Kaede:** Well, it’s not like you’re NOT edgy, Harukawa-san

**Maki:** do you want to die?

  
**Kaede:** Haha no thank you I’ll pass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to james. emo oppression: the chapter


	12. Monday, May 14th, Whole Class Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiibo: Um. I hate to interrupt this conversation. But Ouma-kun has been silent for a while and it’s making me nervous.
> 
> Kaede: Maybe he decided not to bully me after all!
> 
> Shuichi: that is the hope, isn’t it
> 
> Miu: he’ll be back and bullying trust me dklfjkdjsf
> 
> Kaede: ;-;

_ 12:34 PM _

**Miu:** ive come to make an announcement

**Miu:** bakamatsu is horny

**Kaede:** NO!!! NO!!!!!

**Miu:** CANT HIDE FROM THE TRUTH TEENY TITS

**Kokichi:** GASSPPPPP???? MY BELOVED AKAMATSU~CHAN HAS HORNY THOUGHTS?

**Kaede:** STOP!! NO!!!!!! IM NOT HORNY

**Miu:** Bakamatsu Is Horny

**Kaede:** I’m going to cry Iruma-san. I’m going to cry

**Shuichi:** WH

**Kaede:** NOOOOOOO SAIHARA-KUN ITS NOT TRUE

**Shuichi:** WHAT

**Shuichi:** WHAT’S THE CONTEXT?

**Kaede:** I JUST SAID I WANTED TO HOLD

**Kaede:** A

**Kaede:** A GIRL’S HAND

**Miu:** ohh you were about to expose urself lol

**Kaede:** SHHHH!! NO!

**Tsumugi:** wow, premarital eye contact, akamatsu-san?

**Kokichi:** whore.

**Kaede:** NOOOOOOOOOO ;A;

**Kaito:** Wh

**Kaede:** NO MOMOTA-KUN

**Rantaro:** wow I didn’t know you thought things like that Akamatsu-san

**Kaede:** ;AAAAAA;

**Kiibo:** Ah… I believe that’s an emote.

**Kiibo:** But to be rather honest it looks like Akamatsu-san is screaming.

**Kaede:** I am also screaming

**Miu:** now twink bitch can stop calling me the horniest

**Kokichi:** you’d really just give up your throne like that?

**Miu:** LKJDSKLJF THIS AINT ABOUT ME

**Kaede:** I AM NOT HORNY!!! IM NOT

**Tenko:** TENKO SUPPORTS YOU AKAMATSU-SAN!!!! THERES NOTHING HORNY ABOUT WANTING TO HOLD A GIRLS HAND

**Tenko:** tenko ALSO wants to hold girls’ hands

**Kokichi:** gay

**Tenko:** silence male

**Kokichi:** how is it that when saihara~chan says male it’s like he’s doing a scientific paper but when you say it its the insult of the century

**Tsumugi:** uhhh tone

**Kokichi:** yea ok

**Miu:** HEY HEY

**Miu:** don’t change the subject

**Miu:** this is a scientific breakthru. everyone thought miss honeysuckle over here was sooooooooooooooooooooo pure

**Miu:** ain’t nobody on this earth is pure

**Kaede:** I WANT TO HOLD!! A HAND!!!!

**Miu:** bet you want those hands to go other places

**Kaede:** NO!!

**Miu:** i mean youre good with your hands right

**Kaede:** IRUMA-SAN!!!!! KNOCK IT OFF

**Miu:** alkdjkfljkdf pleeas

**Miu:** dontt yell at me by namee ;^;

**Kaito:** Lol not so tough now huh

**Miu:** IM G

**Miu:** LSDJFK

**Kokichi:** ok. since iruma~chan is doing her dumb bitch thing ill continue oppressing akamatsu~chan in her stead

**Kaede:** Please no

**Shuichi:** :(

**Shuichi:** you’re not horny akamatsu-san. i also want to hold hands of people sometimes

**Kaede:** Thank you Saihara-kun!!! :D

**Kaede:** Anybody in particular :3?

**Shuichi:** slkajkfj No.

**Kaito:** I bet it’s Harukawa-san

**Tenko:** .

**Shuichi:** AAAAA

**Kaito:** Haha am I right

**Shuichi:** nO

**Shuichi:** i am not even remotely interested in harukawa-san

**Shuichi:** uh no offense if she’s reading this

**Maki:** it’s fine. i’m a lesbian.

**Shuichi:** LKDJSFKJDFJ

**Tenko:** GOOD FOR YOU!!! GOOD FOR YOU HARUKAWA SAN!!!!! TENKO SUPPORTS YOU SO MUCh

**Maki:** …

**Maki:** yeah i would hope so.

**Tenko:** alkjdkfj

**Kaito:** Oh. Huh, I didn’t know that lol

**Maki:** do you just not have a gaydar or something.

**Kaito:** Uhhhhhh

**Kaito:** What’s a gaydar???

**Kiibo:** Um. I hate to interrupt this conversation. But Ouma-kun has been silent for a while and it’s making me nervous.

**Kaede:** Maybe he decided not to bully me after all!

**Shuichi:** that is the hope, isn’t it

**Miu:** he’ll be back and bullying trust me dklfjkdjsf

**Kaede:** ;-;

**Korekiyo:** Kukukuku. I find it amusing that you would dub hand holding to be scandalous when you are so consistently talking about other, more… depraved, acts.

**Korekiyo:** Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being horny. But Akamatsu-san hardly fits the bill.

**Korekiyo:** …

**Korekiyo:** Unless you’re implying that hand holding is horny because it’s further than you’ve ever gotten with anybody.

**Miu:** LDSJFLKJDAKLJLKSAJDLKSJFKLJDSFKJ FSD????????

**Kaito:** GEEZ DUDE

**Shuichi:** LAJSKJJFDKLF

**Tenko:** DEGENERATE!! DONT TALK TO IRUMA-SAN THAT WAY

**Miu:** yYYheah dont tjalk to me tejntlike thatatjlakjdsf

**Himiko:** holy crap shes dying…

**Kaede:** WOW

**Kaede:** Uhh thanks Shinguji-kun!

**Kaede:** BUT THATS A LOT

**Korekiyo:** I am simply observing.

**Himiko:** hey why dont we call him out for lurking more often

**Korekiyo:** As I have already stated, I am passively observing. It is my role as an anthropologist.

**Himiko:** so ur a stalker

**Korekiyo:** If that is how you would view me, then I respect your opinion.

**Himiko:** yknow if you werent such a weirdo that would actually be a rlly nice way to respond

**Korekiyo:** Why, thank you, Yumeno-san.

**Himiko:** >:/

**Kokichi:** so you wanna hold a girl’s hand, huh akamatsu~chan? wanna feel someone’s smooth, dry hand clasped in yours? you wanna feel someone’s fingers laced with your own and their heart beating through their wrist? you crave the intimacy of physical but non-sexual acts of affection? is it bc you wanna be close to a person in a way that doesn’t require a lot of words? you can just hold someone’s hand and that shows you like being around them. ur literally linking yourselves together. is it because youve never really been good at telling people how you feel so you hope for small gestures like that to express your emotions?? or are you just so fucking touch starved that the idea of doing something as teeny tiny as that sends your lesbian heart into overdrive? useless lesbians are all virgins akamatsu~chan and craving something like that for someone as sex-starved as you is pretty much the same thing as wanting to go down on a woman.

**Kaede:** A

**Kaede:** OH MY GOD??????

**Shuichi:** ASLDJKDJSFKJD

**Tenko:** W

**Miu:** LDSJFLKJDFKLDJF I FUCKING TOLD YOUFLDKSJF

**Korekiyo:** Ah.

**Kaito:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MAN

**Maki:** …

**Maki:** delete this.

**Kokichi:** awww, why, harumaki? ;3;

**Maki:** don’t call me that.

**Maki:** if you don’t delete that in five seconds i’m going to be forced to respect you which is something that i’ve been consciously trying to avoid for the past month.

**Kokichi:** AWWW!! HARUMAKI LOVES MEEE

**Maki:** i will kill you.

**Kokichi:** but with wuv, right?

**Maki:** :T.

**Shuichi:** d

**Shuichi:** did you just end your emoticon w

**Shuichi:** harukawa-san you are tearing this friendship apart

**Maki:** you’re still not over that?

**Kokichi:** oh?

**Himiko:** is this tea

**Miu:** did the edgy nanny do something to offend u, twinkhara

**Shuichi:** please dont call me twinkhara

**Shuichi:** aaaa i dont wanna expose you

**Maki:** it’s fine. i’m not ashamed of my music taste.

**Shuichi:** NO!! NO!!! THATS NOT THE PROBLEM

**Kaito:** What? Then what was the problem, dude

**Shuichi:** SH

**Shuichi:** SHE SAID THIS IS GOSPEL WAS A MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SONG

**Maki:** mcr is the emo band right.

**Kokichi:** .

**Kokichi:** wow.

**Kokichi:** that’s pretty much an affront to his religion, harukawa~chan.

**Maki:** what are you talking about.

**Kokichi:** i guess i’ll have to reject your marriage proposal after all. :(

**Kokichi:** sorry, harumaki. bro code

**Kaito:** STOP CALLING HER THAT

**Kokichi:** hmmm~? it’s not like she’s gonna be interested in you anyway, momota~chan! why does it matter?

**Kaito:** OKay first of all

**Kaito:** I totally misread a bunch of interactions but that’s my bad

**Kaito:** But that aside I’m not interested in Harumaki like that anyway!!

**Kaito:** It’s just my nickname for her!

**Maki:** that i hate.

**Kaito:** It’ll grow on you!   
  


**Kaede:** Hey, actually, Harukawa-san

**Kaede:** Didn’t you mute the gc? I’m surprised you’re here

**Maki:** …

**Maki:** leaving now, bye.

**Kaede:** AWW DID YOU UNMUTE IT???

**Maki:** akamatsu.

**Kaede:** :D

**Maki:** d

**Maki:** :/

**Kaede:** :DDDD

**Maki:** fine. whatever. yes i unmuted it.

**Maki:** i’m going.

**Kaede:** Yay!! :DD

**Kaito:** Now we just gotta get Hoshi!!!

**Kiibo:** Isn’t he ghosting your messages, Momota-kun?

**Kaito:** Hey, I’m working on it

**Kaito:** I’ll get him to pal!!

**Shuichi:** a noble goal

**Kaito:** Nothing the Luminary of the Stars can’t handle! >:D

**Shuichi:** yea youre right :) i’m sure you’ll convince him soon

**Kaito:** Thanks sidekick!!

  
**Shuichi:** :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kaede, you want to h*ld a h*nd? that's kinda scandalous


	13. Monday, May 14th, Tenko + Shuichi Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tenko: subtle

_ 1:01 PM _

**Tenko:** subtle

**Shuichi:** shut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it, that's the chapter


	14. Monday, May 14th, Gossip Group Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miu: I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON HER
> 
> Himiko: would there be something wrong with it if u did
> 
> Miu: wh
> 
> Miu: wwwwell no but
> 
> Miu: ;3;

_1:03 PM_

**Kokichi:** shinguji~chan ya gotta stop roasting members of the squad

**Korekiyo:** And I suppose you follow this philosophy yourself?

**Kokichi:** peh

**Kokichi:** as your squad LEADER you should know im not held down by petty things like kindness and fairplay

**Korekiyo:** I could have reasoned that one out without your telling me, thank you.

**Kokichi:** glad we’re on the same page stink noodle

**Miu:** damn i guess we’re addressing the fact that he’s a noodle now huh

**Himiko:** cut him some slack, exercise is a pain

**Tsumugi:** nono no slack

**Tsumugi:** i’m not exactly an exercise fanatic but he’s a whole noodle

**Korekiyo:** Not even a half noodle, hm? :<

**Tsumugi:** nope.

**Korekiyo:** Alas.

**Korekiyo:** Well, I suppose I can try. But it’s difficult when Iruma-san is constantly making it extremely easy for me.

**Korekiyo:** To roast her, I mean.

**Iruma:** OKAYOKAYOKAYOKALDKJKJDSAK FUCKING HELL

**Himiko:** you already killed her once shinguji

**Korekiyo:** Your point being? She is here, is she not? And that is a problem in itself.

**Tsumugi:** oh wowie

**Miu:** NNNNNNNNNNNNNHGHFLHDKFJ  
  


**Kokichi:** ew, i can hear her squealing

**Kokichi:** do us a favour and never roast her again i think shes orgasming rn

**Miu:** I AM NOTLKDSJF

**Miu:** AA

**Tsumugi:** ok but what was that callout

**Himiko:** wym

**Tsumugi:** akamatsu-san

**Tsumugi:** i support u iruma-san but what even provoked this

**Miu:** uh, duh

**Miu:** akamastu-san wants to hold a girls hand

**Miu:** had to let the world know shes horny

**Angie:** well, perhaps that is what happened !

**Angie:** but angie thinks it is much more likely that miu was jealous of the girl who kaede wants to hold hands with !

**Himiko:** WHAT

**Miu:** LKDJSLFKJDSKFk

**Himiko:** SO YOU EXPOSED HER?? IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYONE????

**Angie:** hmhmhm :3

**Miu:** nOoOOoOoOOoooO

**Kokichi:** good character analysis angie~chan im impressed

**Angie:** it is simply what God tells me !

**Korekiyo:** Kukukuku. Jealousy is a beautiful thing.

**Miu:** I AINT JEALOUS

**Kokichi:** sounds fake but ok

**Miu:** I AINT!!!!

**Himiko:** then what was that

**Miu:** look she didnt actually tell me whose hand she wants to hold ok

**Miu:** we were just talking and she looked distracted so i asked what she was fantasising about

**Miu:** i mean you know bakamatsu shes not actually that horny so i didnt think she was gonna say anything

**Miu:** bbbbut she got all flustered and said some shit about handholding

**Miu:** im not jealous!!! what reason would the gorgeous girl genius, miu iruma, have to pine over some piano chick? i could get anybody i want!!!

**Tsumugi:** sounds like denial

**Miu:** like we’re gonna pretend that the only reason you hate twink boy’s sexy professor isn’t because he interrupted your nail painting date with bakamatsu

**Tsumugi:** i didn’t come here to be called out, iruma-san

**Tsumugi:** i hate him for other reasons too

**Kokichi:** nishishi we can talk about that if you want but i’m more interested in iruma~chan’s crush on akamatsu~chan

**Miu:** I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON HER

**Himiko:** would there be something wrong with it if u did

**Miu:** wh

**Miu:** wwwwell no but

**Miu:** ;3;

**Angie:** awww, it’s ok miu ! angie has a crush too !

**Miu:** are you trying to comfort me?

**Angie:** is it working ?

**Miu:**.

**Angie:** nyahaha ! and miu can’t sulk after angie tells her this because angie is probably more sad than miu is

**Korekiyo:** How does one even reach those levels?

**Miu:** YYOU ARE JUST NOT HOLDING BACK TODAYKFHDSLFKJDSf

**Korekiyo:** I apologise, I didn’t mean to cut you off, Angie-san.

**Angie:** noooo worries ! <3

**Angie:** anyway, angie like tenko !

**Kokichi:** i

**Himiko:** oh

**Miu:** yikes

**Tsumugi:** i thought so but i didn’t want to say it

**Angie:** heehee, tenko has REALLY pretty green eyes

**Angie:** but also she tells angie to stop ! and angie really likes that

**Himiko:** that’s

**Himiko:** that’s good for you, angie

**Angie:** no, no need to sugar coat, God has told me it’s a lost cause

**Himiko:** oh

**Kokichi:** hmmm

**Kokichi:** welp, im bored

**Kokichi:** which means you’re all gonna amuse me!!

**Korekiyo:** Are we not already amusing you?

**Kokichi:** nope, nope! not good enough

**Kokichi:** let’s dip on afternoon classes and have a gossip squad movie night!!!

**Himiko:** dip on classes? nnn i dunno sounds kinda risky

**Miu:** there are literally no repercussions here lol

**Tsumugi:** depends on the movies

**Kokichi:** jeez!! i dunno!!! choose something amusing!!!!!

**Tsumugi:** hmm, well, if you really want someone plain like me there, then sure!!!!

**Miu:** fuck it, why not

**Korekiyo:** Kukuku, I suppose that missing half a day of classes won’t be much of an issue. Especially not at this school.

**Himiko:** nnn might as well i guess

**Himiko:** classes are a pain anyways

**Angie:** hm

**Kokichi:** c’mooooon angie~chaaaan it’s no fun if you aren’t there

**Angie:** you aren’t as slick as you think you are, kokichi !

**Kokichi:** :3c?

**Angie:** but, angie appreciates it very much . a movie night sounds fun !

**Kokichi:** hell yeah

**Kokichi:** meet in the av room. iruma~chan you stop by the kitchen and grab snacks

**Miu:** why me???

**Kokichi:** because youre a whore

**Miu:** OK OK OK OK

**Tsumugi:** haha

  
**Korekiyo:** I suppose I will see you all down there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha y'all didn't really think i'd do ya like that, did you?

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea where this will be going or if i'll ever update it so enjoy what you get.


End file.
